Friday, August 16, 2013

whole 30 . day 12

Well, today is day 12 of our Whole30 diet, and also, the last day. Actually, yesterday was the last day. We made it 11 days into the diet, and I was feeling a bit worse, gaining weight, not losing inches and we were pretty miserable. I could feel like a failure, but when you add in some personal things along with it, coming off the diet was right for the hubs and I, at least for now. We aren't going back into our old ways though. We are going to eat in a more clean way with much reduced processed foods. I hope for any of you that are reading this that are on the Whole30 or thinking of doing it, do your best to not get discouraged, but as a friend told me, it might work for someone else and not for you, so don't beat yourself up over it. Do what works for you and try to eat as healthy as you can without making yourself crazy. Hopefully the past week+ has left the hubs and I with enough to learn from and start on a new road in eating, one that is healthy for us and leaves us happy.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

whole 30 . day 10

I have to say, today was tough. I was hungry and stressed. I ate two handfuls of cashews and I had extra fruit; 3 plums and a banana... of course, all at different times! I wanted to give up when I was running errands at lunch time. And I wanted to give up at dinner. I am at a loss as to what to cook each night. Last night we had ground beef with cauliflower. Pathetic huh? It was seasoned well though. Today we had sausage with eggs. I'm tired of this. It wears me out and I see NO difference at day 10. Keep on swimming, Marezy. Keep on swimming. 

Double Digits

I will never ever forget the day I found out that there wouldn't be three little sisters, but four! When Nahida told me she was pregnant, I couldn't contain my excitement! Life would never be the same!! And I will never forget the day she was born and going to see her sweet precious baby face on August 14th. We were all so excited.
When Nahida found out she was having a little girl, she told me she wanted to find a name that was similar to mine and asked me to be what would kind of be like Merima's godmother. I was pretty honored. On her first birthday, I had to cut her first curl. That was when this picture was taken. We were so little. I loved this sweet girl the day she was born, the day she turned one, today on her 10th birthday and every single day in between.
Merima's joy and her smile is contagious! This was one of the top memories with her. This was a great weekend with her and the girls at Mono's family's home!
Another top memory was the summer they stayed with us for a LONG and WONDERFUL visit! Including an amazing trip to Florida. Isn't she a cutie?

Meemsy and I have always been close, and when Mono entered my life, he was going to enter theirs. I was hoping they'd love him just as much as I did, and vise versa. It topped the charts. These two have a special bond that I love to see!
Taking her to see where I grew up was quite fun! This was where I lived at her age and it was a great little adventure for us.
Matching sisters! Goodness, I love this girl!
And 10 years later, she is now not only my special little friend, wonderful littlest sister, but the best auntie two little boys could EVER ask for! She adores them and they already adore her. I pray they have a close little bond growing up with her, like I did with her when she was a little girl.
Dear Meemsy, I have enjoyed each and every moment walking through your life with you. I hope even though I am far away, you know I am always close to you in heart. I'm only a phone call or Skype message away! I love you sweet pea. So does Gussy and the boys! Happy 10th Birthday, Merima. You are LOVED! xoxo- Marezy

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

i could go for a chocolate donut

Ugh. Day 9. I could really go for a chocolate donut. You know, the white centers dipped in chocolate glaze. Up until about 4:00 today, I hadn't had any real cravings for anything junky (besides the obvious of my chocolate milk). All of a sudden I want a chocolate donut. What's up with that? That isn't even something I normally want. Today was a blah day and I got pretty hungry feeling at times. I had eggs and fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch and a handful of nuts and a banana this afternoon. Dinner is going to be ground beef with a little organic tomato paste and seasoning and some veggies. Weird, I know. I have said before, I am not creative in the kitchen. Especially when it comes to this diet. I don't want to give up still, so that's a good sign! :) Mami and the hubs have both lost weight. Yes, they fall into the trap of weighing themselves like I did. Shhh... don't tell them I told on them. Glad some of us are seeing/feeling good results. If you want to know more about eating this way, from someone other than my random notes, check out Stephanie's blog! She is going to post a series on her family's journey living one year with the paleo lifestyle. Today was her first piece! Check it out here.


It has been a few days since this post, and a lot has changed. As I sit here and write, I should have been a few hours into our OBX vacation. The anniversary dinner party that we had went off well and we had a fabulous, but to short visit with my sisters (I'll share more about their time soon). But the day after they arrived, my Mom received a phone call from one of her sisters saying she needed to come up to New York because things were looking real bad for my Popa (her Dad) who was just taken to the hospital. My parents left on their 16 hour drive and drove straight through the night. They went right to the hospital to be with him. Our beach vacation has been cancelled since the unexpected hospital stay for Popa. My parents and aunt and uncles are together with both of my grandparents and even though we are all desperately wishing we were on our way for the vacation we planned in October, we know being with Popa is most important. My parents are living with my Nana and they take turns taking Nana to the hospital and my aunts, uncles, and each of my cousins, have all taken turns visiting with him to keep him company and his spirits high. I wish I could be there to sit with him and spend time with him and Nana, but my first job right now is to take care of my little men, especially since they are sick. Thankfully my cousins have all been able to enjoy some beach time together in N.Y. And at some point, I hope my little family can spend a few days at the beach. I haven't been since our honeymoon and if you know me well, you know the beach is my element and my happy place. The place where all my cares float out to see and I can just soak up each and every sweet moment!


Sometimes I find myself having caught that bug. Do ya'll ever catch the comparison bug? I try to stay as immune to it as possible, but I have yet to find a complete cure. If any of you have found a trusty remedy, please send it my way!
I have a tremendously blessed life. I should not let a day go by where I find myself comparing my life to another woman's. But, sadly, I do. I dream of certain lifestyles, some within reason, and others way out of my league. Some, with a few doable changes, are possible, while the rest will forever remain a dream. And that's okay. 

I love all things interior design. I live in a lovely home, furnished and full of love. It is not my dream home, but it is just right for our family and it allows the hubs to have a ridiculously short commute to a job he (and I) loves. I am not sure who likes that perk more, more or him! We live in a safe neighborhood with a yard for the boys to play and areas for pretty gardens and swing set. All in all, we are very fortunate. While decorating our home, I had to stay within a budget and use pieces we already had or were given to us. They may not have been perfect in every aspect, but we have made it work out well. 
It's still a work in progress and our home doesn't completely feel me yet, nor finished. With this being said, when I am on Pinterest or see posts on other social media sites, I long to at least turn out lovely, but not dream home, more of a dream, more us. Recently someone posted on a site about their new home, a first home, and it is one that will never even be attainable for our family. So while looking at this starter home for this very young couple, made me look at my home and wish I had the ability to improve its own dreaminess. 
Another thing that I let eat me up at times is all the perfect-looking bodies, perfectly done hair and makeup, always looking perfectly out together women. As a Catholic/Christian, I try to hold my moral standards of modesty high, yet remain stylish. Ya'll, let me tell you, I see so many adorable patterns on bathing suits, shorts in cute colors, skirts and dresses in lovely prints, yet I refrain from buying them. As a lady, I don't think it is necessary or right to show so much skin. Even some of the best girls from great Catholic families I know do not keep modesty above their fashion. Now, I am not saying we have to cover every inch of skin or look frumpy! I do give myself guidelines to keep to, that always sit higher than guidelines of what is fashionable. I have had to make some very hard choices, passing up the cutest of items. Then I see other girls who supposedly share my beliefs and let everything be seen. I'm not telling you my guidelines are right, or that I am spot on in my way of thinking, but it is on my heart lately. Maybe because it is hot outside and more prevalent, but it is a personal issue on my mind. So, sometimes when I see someone in a really cute outfit, I get frustrated that I have the standards I do.

F.Y.I. my personal guidelines are: 
- no super tight pants (or really any garment)
- I keep my skirts to knee length (to hit my knee cap)
- shorts, I go for ones closer to my knee. Mine around a 9" inseam for my height
- no strapless shirts or dresses
-no deep v-necks or super low cut shirts
- and then to church, no shorts and no sleeveless shirts

I could change my lifestyle, but then I stop and see where God placed me and what He placed in my heart, the house He blessed our family with and the grace He has given me to be strong against the temptations to let my standards fall.
I have an artistic eye and a love for creating, yet some how I don't have much time these days to be creative. All the creative juices are drying up inside and I see others, married, mothers, single women, letting their creativity fly! And I envy it. When I have the time, I am too tired to think creatively, thus unfinished scrapbooks, photography notes and lessons just sitting around, a slacking blog, no freshly painted canvases... And I then find myself sitting on the couch at night wondering how so many women have it all together are so creative!

This follows my last thought... As a wife and mom, I compare myself a lot! She has freshly made, healthy and delicious meals on the dinner table at least 5 of the 7 nights. She is so put together all the time! She is so pleasant and sweet. It goes on and on. And I get into a minor pity party at times with myself wondering why not only am I not well dressed, but it is 2 pm and I am still in my sweats and my to do list has increased instead of decreased. But then I have to stop and look at my circumstances vs. whoever I am comparing myself to. I may be looking at a 40 something year old blogger with relatively grown kids or a young newly married wide with no children. None of them are experiencing my life exactly as it is. They don't have babies right now. They've never had twins... our lives are different.

This goes for all of the above. She may have the great body and is all done up because she is single or her children are grown. Her life may revolve around her, rather than her two babies. She can go out for a run and run as many miles as she would like, she can run to the gym whenever desired. She doesn't have to wake up uber early to fit in a workout or a shower or work around nap schedules. She may have 2 hours to spend on getting ready, while I am lucky to have 2 minutes. She may have a larger spending budget for her clothes and home, but does her husband have an awesome work environment, great perks, and a 2 minute commute on days with heavy traffic? She may live in the nicest house on the street (or heck, in the entire state!), but I don't know what her home life truly is. You see what I mean. I may dream about other aspects of people's lives, I may suffer bouts of the grass is always greener, but I wouldn't trade my life for the nicest house, best wardrobe, flat stomach and toned legs, nothing. nothing. 

I have to thank God for what He has given me for this moment in my life. And despite moments of struggle like today, I live life with a grateful heart for what I have been blessed with. 
Comparison, whether it be a home, clothes, lifestyle, vacation, body type, hair color, whatever it may be, can be a beast and totally deadly to your happiness. Today, while having been bit by the ugly bug of comparison, I am finding the good, the joy, and the things I can change! Don't let comparing your beautiful self/life get the best of you!

Monday, August 12, 2013

whole 30 . days 7 and 8

I skipped day 6 in my notes. Here's 7 and 8...

Day 7 was a real challenge. REAL. I have not only noticed no positive change in my body or how I feel, but I gained more weight! I have not been able to fit in exercising and since I have less energy right now, the only time for exercising is super early or late and that's not going to happen. I should be exercising to help, but some things are just not doable in my life right now, while keeping sane. I know you aren't supposed to to weigh yourself on this, but after one week on this, I was sure I had to have gone down in weight. NOPE! So yesterday I gave up and said this isn't worth it. Plus, my aunt had a 1st birthday party for the boys and I ate a small slice of cheese, a tablespoon of mashed potatoes, and three wheat thins. So basically I broke this 30 days. I am really frustrated because I don't want to give up, but I do. I don't want to go back to my old ways, but I'd like to add in a small glass of chocolate milk and maybe a small amount of natural peanut butter or something. So as of Day 7, I was giving up (and kinda did), and today, Day 8, in the morning I was going to only add in milk and now by the afternoon, I am trying to keep going, without milk. And I need to be more active. For real. Even though I am so tired, I am going to try to do something. Something is better than nothing, right? When this is over, I want to keep eating this way, but add in a little bit of milk, cheese, yogurt and whole grains. I will make my own bread and limit my sugars. I just need to keep at this and get active. We'l see how I do. I just wish I at least saw positive results.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

it's their birthday!

From the day these sweet little faces entered my heart, we had an instant bond and they became my little sisters. I fell in love from the moment I first saw and hugged them.

Years passed and I was blessed to be a part of their every day life and watch them grow from sweet little girls to beautiful young ladies!

And today, we celebrate their birthday, all gorgeous and grown up. We still have that bond, they are still my little sisters and I am still in love with them. I love you Ines and Neijra and am SO thankful that in the end, God did send me sisters!!! Have a beautiful birthday. Wish I could be there to celebrate with you. xoxo

Friday, August 9, 2013

whole30 . day 5

I've made it through my 5th day. I miss my chocolate milk, still. It's obviously an addiction. Two times in my life before now I have given it up for over 30 days, so I know I can do it. Those other times I had different things I loved to fill that void, whereas now I don't have very enjoyable things. I could easily get used to having a big salad for lunch, but I'm wishing I could change up my breakfast some. I'd like to do a whole wheat english muffin and peanut butter or a few other options that are still healthy. My goal for this is to eat healthier coming out of it, limiting my processed foods a lot, but not going all out and never eating them or never going out to eat, etc. I'll definitely be bringing back the chocolate milk. On day 31! There will be an alarm set for 12:01 on that 31st day. Okay, just kidding. I'm not quite that bad. Or maybe I am. There is a hint of discouragement in me today because I weighed myself and not only have I not gone down in weight, but I've gone up! I decided to not weigh myself until week 2 is completed and if I do not see or feel any difference than I will add in a few little things, but basically eat mostly clean. I don't notice any positive results yet in how I feel. I am still not sleeping better, my headaches are still around, and I am still really tired. I know I am only on day 5 so I have to give it time. Our diet is still similar, eggs and or fruit for breakfast, salads for lunch, fruit and cashews for snacks, meat and salad and a veggie for dinner. Nothing exciting!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

a jumbled mess

Do you ever feel like a jumbled mess and you feel a desperate need to wrap things up for the week? Before I head to bed, I am going to take a few minutes to write out what needs to be wrapped up tomorrow. The past few days have left me so off kilter. We have had workers in an out trying to figure out our AC issue, while living in a 90 degree house. My weekly schedule has been thrown out the window and I feel like I am so behind. I have all the chores and small tasks from the past few days that need to be caught up on. I am struggling trying to figure out tasty and filling dinners for us on our Whole 30 so that is something that feels a jumbled mess too. I always feel better if I can write out all that is on my mind of what needs to be done, purchased, mailed, etc. That way I don't forget, I can mark it off as I go, and sleep peacefully knowing it won't be forgotten, but will be waiting for me on paper in the morning!

whole 30 . day 4

I still have my headache, but I'm used to headaches, so this isn't too different for me. Breakfast is boring but doable. I wish I was more creative in my cooking and in what I like to eat. I like to eat the foods I am used to or familiar with. Tonight we went out to dinner with family and I did the best I could. I ordered a salad with steak on it with a vinegar based dressing. I forgot to bring my own with all that went on today at home with our AC still trying to get finished (hello 90 degrees inside). I just drank water and did not eat the delicious buttery rolls right next to me. To be honest, I didn't really feel like I was dying to have one. 

Lunch again was salad and breakfast eggs and a piece of fruit. I eat a very small handful of cashews once or twice a day as a snack when needed and a piece of fruit after dinner if I really feel hungry. Like I said, I am not the best in this and I am not going to be giving tremendously detailed posts, but you can get the idea of how I am doing it and follow and see what my results might be. If you have any questions, you can always feel free to ask me! 

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

whole 30 . day 3

I had a headache again today, but like I said, the headache part is hard for me to tell. Plus, our air conditioning system is being replaced so it is super hot (yes, and I did say replaced, $ $ $) so that could be a contribution to how I feel. We will see how it is tomorrow. 

Mentally I have been doing okay. I just really miss my chocolate milk, especially in the evening after a long day. I could easily do this for the 30 days if only I could have that darn milk! Breakfast is fine, but it is a little boring. I have been eating two scrambled eggs with tomato and onion and usually a piece of fruit. I think wanting a whole wheat english muffin with peanut butter or plain butter is just a comfort in my mind. And I don't do well being creative in the kitchen so I have a hard time at dinner time. 

We have been eating big salads with olive oil and balsamic vinegar for lunch. 

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

whole 30 . day 2

I woke up with a headache behind my left eye and at the base of my head/neck. It has now spread on the left side of my head. I can't tell for sure if it is my daily headache or it is from the change in diet. The hardest part today was no chocolate milk. I LOVE chocolate milk. No major difference today. I don't have today's food log down.

Monday, August 5, 2013

whole30 . day 1

Today is day one of my Whole30 challenge. I am going to be all honest here, even if I slip up or am not doing it just perfectly right. If you want to follow a super paleo dieter, don't look here. I am doing my best for now, but it isn't going to be to a crazy extent. I am sure I am going to mess up, and in the end, I am not sticking completely to this way of life. Some days I will share exactly what I ate, some days will just be how I feel. I don't always have a ton of time to log my day or what I eat, so hopefully I don't disappoint here with my journey too much.

Breakfast today had a little cheat to it because I wanted to finish the gallon of milk. I finished the milk in a small bowl of cereal and a small glass of milk. I ate clean yesterday for dinner though. Maybe that can balance me out.

Lunch was spaghetti squash and ground beef. This was leftover from last night's dinner.

Dinner we ate pork chops cooked on the stove with a little bit of olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic powder. We ate a side of steamed cauliflower and a salad.

I had an apple in the evening when I got hungry.

I only drank water, but not the amount I should have. I have to be better about this tomorrow and the days to come.

Exercise: I took two walks with the boys in their wagon today and ran lots of errands in and out of the car/stores with the boys. I did a huge Costco run so I had a lot of hauling everything up and down the garage stairs from the basement to unload and organize the groceries.

All in all, it was a decent day one. No freaking out yet. I'm sure that is to come.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

whole30 challenge

On Monday I am making a huge change in my life that will last at least 30 days. I am taking on the Whole30 diet. Before I go further into what I have to say, here is a little peek into my health history... I was never overweight, but always had a little layer of chunk on me. I've never been very athletic. Okay, I am not athletic at all. I am not athletic in any dedicated fashion. I danced when I was a real little girl, for a few years. I figure skated and rode horses in my early teen years, but had a riding accident which put a huge halt to all activities for quite a while. I've gotten into (treadmill) running off and on and ran in a half marathon (completely untrained, never having run more than 3 1/2 miles at a given time) in March. That is it. I just don't have the energy or drive to work hard at it. I don't like exercising at a gym, none of that. Before I got married, I was at a good weight, but still a little flabby and not toned well. I have never dieted a day in my life, not even leading up to my wedding day. I like food too much. Food like Goldfish, pasta, and my nightly glass of chocolate milk. Then, I got pregnant with the twins, gained 40 pounds in my stomach (you couldn't tell I was pregnant from behind and actually lost weight in my arms and legs) and lost all but about 10 pounds after they were born. That is where I am now, but I feel gross. Those extra 10 or so pounds make me feel larger than I need to be and a bit self conscious. My body shape seemed to change too which adds onto the icky feeling. With the boys turning one and being incredibly active, only to become more active over the next few months, I need more energy. I have daily headaches/migraines, fibromyalsia or fibro-like symptoms, the back and neck injuries from my riding accident, and a horrible sleep level. So. That brings me to today, with the question of how do I lose the little flub I have, feel better, sleep better, and have more energy?

The best answer I have found is the Whole30 challenge from The Whole9. It is not easy. And it is certainly not going to be easy for a girl who made it through the day knowing a glass of chocolate milk would be waiting at the other end. But, it is only 30 days. I can do this y'all, right? I may flop on day 3, 9, 26, who knows, or I may be able to go the entire 30 days. But, either way, I am going to give it a go and hold myself accountable here. The hubs is doing it with me, as well as my Mami (mother-in-law), so we have each other to help and encourage... kinda. We all want to do this and have a good outcome, but two of us also have at least a small percentage of feeling like a small layering of pudge isn't so bad if you can have chocolate milk, milkshakes, goldfish, and bread. Yeah, we're real good for each other. ha. 

So I am not doing this as just a diet. While I do hope I can lose the pudge, I am hoping to feel better and be more energized. At the end of the 30 days I can evaluate how I feel and then I am going to add back in certain things in healthy amounts, like chocolate milk. wink

Stay tuned if you want to follow my struggle journey on the Whole30. It begins on Monday!